Monday Morning 3/15

(Intro Note: This post talks about New Moon circles. Some of you might not be familiar with them. The new moon (the dark of the moon each month) is traditionally a time of introspection and planning for the new month ahead. Each new moon is in a different sign of the zodiac, with different characteristics and strengths. We use the characteristics of each new moon to form an intention for some piece of work we want to do on ourselves in the coming two weeks. We do this in a sacred space we create as a small circle of women. There are candles, and sparkly things, and we laugh and make art and sing and listen to each other tell our stories. We support each other and sometimes cry. We meditate and visualize and dream together. Women's New Moon Circles happen in all different ways all over the world. )

So here's what happened.

Yesterday I facilitated a New Moon Circle for women. I've been doing them every month since I first facilitated one at Burdock Gathering in Maine last August (http://sites.google.com/site/burdockgatheringmaine/). It was so magical and it made me long for the women's circles that I used to attend. For about 3 years I attended the most amazing, powerful sister circles (miss them, Dawn and Joanna!), and then they stopped. For over a year I had no spiritual community that I saw regularly and although I tried to make an effort to celebrate and observe the new moon each month, it just wasn't the same.

At Burdock, ideally, everyone who attends offers something that they'd like to teach or share with others in the form of a workshop. I offered a new moon circle for everyone there. And it was just so wonderful, and so grounding for me, and so fulfilling. As a wonderful bonus, people loved it. And wanted to join my mailing list. And there was talk about my doing one at another time in Portland. And I was full.

When we got back to the city, my best Mama-friend/wise witch (http://riseupbaking.com/), Alex (who was in Maine with us) and I were with the kids at a playground. I was talking about how joyful it was for me to facilitate the New Moon Circle, and how badly I missed having New Moon Circle here, in my daily life.

In her infinate wisdom she said, "So start them here!" And I started to get warm and light filled. "Hmmmmm." I said. "The next new moon is ____," she said, thumbing through her datebook. "What night around that could you do it?" "Ummm, ____?" I said. "YEA!" she said, and immediately texted the date and invite to 5 of her friends. "Now you can't back out," she said, laughing. And the In Arms New Moon Sister Circles were born.

That was last September, and I've done them almost every month since. There have been between 3 and 10 women at each one, and they've been so wonderful for me and I've been so touched by the response of the women.

So for this last one, on the evite only two women RSVPed. And I went back and forth about whether or not to do it, especially since I now rent a little room to hold it in and with only two women donating I'd be paying out of pocket for it. But then one of the women emailed me and said, "Since there are only two of us who responded, are we still going to have Circle?" and I thought, we're worth having Circle for! Who cares if there isn't a whole crowd. It will be a lovely, intimate Circle, and every one of us deserves to have this time. I also thought one or two women might show up unexpectedly.

I spent Sunday morning working on the Circle and came up with a plan that made me feel really good and that I thought the women would love. I lugged three heavy bags through the rain and picked up a few fun art supplies for one of the exercises. I arrived, got upstairs, and set up Circle with 15 minutes to spare.

And sat.

And sat.

At just before three pm one of the two women texted me to tell me that she was running about 20 minutes late and that the other confirmed woman (who was a friend of hers) had food poisoning and wouldn’t be coming.

So there I sat in this rented room that I had set up carefully and lovingly for our Circle, with the altar in front of me, candles lit and flickering, alone. With one person coming, 20 minutes late. Nothing to “do” for the next 30 minutes but wait. And I tried to connect with how I felt.

Part of me felt like I wanted to pack up and go home, and then frustration that I couldn’t because of the one person coming. Then there was the level of emotion that wondered if no one was coming because the circle I had been doing wasn’t good enough, wasn’t fun enough, wasn’t meaningful enough. There was the frustration that I had put out money that I wasn’t going to get back. There was the loneliness. There was the fear that what I was doing wasn’t of value, wasn’t supported, wasn’t of service in any significant way.

And I sat with all those feelings. I didn't try to make them go away, and I didn't try to rationalize them, or make myself feel better, or brush over them.

And then something happened. I flashed back on the frustration that I used to feel that I wasn’t making the time to observe new moon. That I wasn’t working towards creating a spiritual community for myself. And then I remembered the joy I felt when I made the commitment to begin honoring new moon by CREATING that space, that circle: FOR ME. And that was the key – that’s what shifted the energy. I connected with the memory and realization that at the basis of my creating this space for new moon circles for women, was simply MY JOY at observing new moon. At creating a beautiful, meaningful altar that reflected each new moon. At designing activities and exercises to help me connect with each new moon’s unique gifts.

And all these things were at the root of MY joy. It was such a bonus when other women joined me and benefitted, but look what planning this circle had given me? 30 minutes to connect with the new moon in this beautiful space, with candles flickering. Silence in which to focus. 3 different divination stations that I had set up around the room with various tarot decks and other divination tools to sit in front of and work with. Other stations with blank paper and art supplies to vision with. And I had 30 minutes to concentrate and dream ALL TO MYSELF, without having to lead other women, or focus on anyone but myself. My Self.

What a gift!

I realized my ego gets in the way of my joy. When I have a thought along the “what if I throw a party and no one comes” line, I become detached from the reason I threw the party in the first place. It’s my fear speaking, my insecurity, my self doubt. My inner critic. All those things come from a place of fear….not a place of joy. But if I connect with something that I joyfully want to celebrate, I win even if I wind up celebrating it with myself. Other people are a bonus.

What are you doing in your life that is more for other people than you? Can you connect with the joy it holds for you? If not, you might want to examine why you’re doing it. It completely SHIFTS your energy to look for the joy in anything you have committed to doing.

I would love to hear about your joy. I lovingly encourage you to leave comments. :-)

Please email Spirithouse@gmail.com to get on our mailing list, and check out www.InArmsCoaching.com for more ways to celebrate your joy and build a life you LOVE to live!!