Dear Followers of Joy,
Welcome to my new blog. My first blog, really, and the motivation behind it is two-fold. First of all, I want to commit to a joyful path. Secondly, I want to reach out to others to show the possibility. Also, more honestly, I want to explore why sometimes it's so hard to live from a place of joy, and I want a little back-up in doing so. If I'm chronicling it I hold myself accountable for writing this to you, and that serves to connect me to my goal.
This all started with me in a funk. I've been working really hard lately at exploring the ways I enter into relationship with others, and the ways I seem to call people into my life who are totally inappropriate for the kinds of relationships my heart REALLY desires. So I've spent the last 3 or 4 months really exploring the parts of my brain and heart that enter into relationship with people. I've unpacked a lot of old bags, sorted through the contents, dusted things off, thrown a LOT away, refurbished some old pieces.
But even with all this work, I realized, a few weeks ago, that there's still more to do and it kind of threw me into a dark funk. I'm feeling like I'm in a state of transition with things ending and me not quite seeing the new beginnings yet, and that's scary.
All this resulted in the kinds of mornings where I'd wake up with a knot already in my stomach. No energy. No motivation. Emotional exhaustion. You've probably been there before -- like you're trying to move through your day with 3 soaking wet, woolen blankets over your head.
I think the first thing that happened was that my magical friend Hilary told me about the book, "Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts." Mama Gena teaches women that when they connect with and FOLLOW what they love, what gives them joy, everything follows: romantic partners, meaningful work, wonderful life opportunities. Because this is so close to my own philosophy, I bought the book.
The first three chapters: "The Case for Pleasure", "The Womanly Art of Whetting Your Own Appetite," and "The Womanly Art of Having Fun, No Matter What," inspired me to start doing a few different things differently.
1. Find one way to do something joyful for myself each day, no matter what.
This wasn't that hard, because there are lots of things I enjoy (and if you don't know what brings you joy, Mama Gena coaches you to start by making a list of what simple things bring you joy: sitting on a bench with a good book and a cup of tea? Having lunch with a friend? Taking long walks with your dog? Candle-lit bubble baths at the end of the day? Browsing in a bookstore during your lunch break?)
So, the first day after I started reading the book I made space in the sunny, pre-spring day to go rollerblading for 40 minutes down by the river. Then I sat in the grass by the river, with my back up against a tree and called a friend to discuss fabulous possibilities of ways to move my life forward.
Day two I got an hour-long massage from my amazing mama-friend Nina, in return for a life coaching session for her. Heavenly.
Day three I took the time to make some healthy food for myself.
Day four I worked all morning at my favorite coffee shop birthing new things for In Arms Coaching (check them out at: www.InArmsCoaching.com), made time to go for a walk in the rain with a friend who made me laugh, and came home from a long night at work to take a candle-lit bubble bath.
2. Find joy in WHATEVER I'm doing.
This is kind of wonderful for two reasons: first of all, it's such a neat thing to practice. Yes, I'm stuck at work and it's so slow and I'm so bored. So I put on some dark lipstick, flirted with the guys in the kitchen, made my co-workers laugh, got a small glass of wine, and turned the evening around. I had FUN with it. And in doing so, I made others have a slightly better time too, because when I'm having fun it spreads to the people around me.
What I've noticed so far:
I feel LIGHTER, and definitely happier. Also, things in my life that felt kind of stuck, have, since I started this project, opened up a little. In amazing, wonderful ways. Interestingly enough, in the last 4 nights of work I've noticed something new -- people are reacting to me differently. The first night of the experiment a restaurant owner I was waiting on asked me out. The second night a really nice guy came in to have dinner with his father and wrote notes to me all over his paper tablecloth (with the crayons we put out) saying how wonderful I was, how beautiful he thought my tattoos were, and to please call him, with an arrow to his card stuck to the tablecloth. Last night, a striking lesbian I waited on wrote a note on her bill about how beautiful I was, and how amazing I was. :-)
By intending to have joy in my life and by making it a priority, it seems to call even more joy and joyful things (and people, and experiences) my way. In addition, now that I'm spending time thinking so much about joy, I'm noticing joy in places and ways that I hasn't before. How good it feels to share a laugh with someone -- how connected to the other person I feel when we laugh at something together. How nurturing it feels to turn my face towards a warm ray of sunshine. How supported I feel by my friends, and how much joy they bring me. When my two old, beloved friends Steven and Joe sat with me last week when I was sad, and heard me out and told me how much they care for me and how they supported me, my heart felt joy.
Another way this project is affecting me is by bringing the control back to me -- I get to decide how I feel, and how I look at the world, my relationships, my work, my day. When I wake up each morning and connect with how I wan't to follow my joy that day, in what ways I want to bring pleasure and joy to myself, it starts things off on a whole new foot.
Viktor Frankl, a concentration-camp survivor, wrote a book that my mother, Jamie (check out her books on Amazon: Jamie Pastor Bolnick - she's written two wonderful memoirs about women who worked against all odds to overcome challenging obstacles and find their own joy) gave me to read in my early teens, and I have since given as a gift to countless people. "Man's Search For Meaning" (buy it for a dollar or so on www.half.com -- and buy 3 copies so you can keep one and give two away) includes his discovery that even though you cannot alway control what HAPPENS to you, or the situations you find yourself in, you always get to control HOW YOU REACT to the situation.
That's my new goal: to find joy in my every day. To reclaim the power that I have to make MYSELF feel good. To examine the barriers that stand in the way of my ability and desire to nurture and love myself. And to share this with YOU, and to hear some of the work that you're doing to find joy in your own lives.
I'm working a muscle that I didn't even know I had, and it feels so good. I'm connected to my own power to create good things in my life. And I want my joyfulness to ripple outwards to find YOU.
This is just an introduction. I would love for you to subscribe to join me in my intention to connect to My Daily Joy.
much love and light,
Britt
Hi Britt, Love your blog! The Victor Frankl book really hits the nail on the head when it talks about how you're in control of how you react in every situation. I volunteered on a hot line for 9 years. We didn't give advise. After all, it's hard enough giving advise to someone you know, so it's probably not a good idea to give it to a total stranger. We helped callers figure out what was the best path for them to choose (a lot more empowering for them that way too) and one of the most important questions we'd asked them is what do you have control of in this situation? Keep up the great work!
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